Muffins with Mom – Distracted parenting

My teen son sent a text message to me the other evening saying, “Ma, I’m going to play night basketball.”

I responded with, “Ok, be home by dark.”

His next response came with several crying emoji and the statement, “I don’t think you get it.”

As I re-read the message I sent back my own set of emoji along with “lol”. I was in the middle of something else when I distractedly read the text message from my son.

If you’re like the average parent, our minds can go in a million places at one time. It may be planning the grocery list, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, checking emails or figuring out where the kids need to be and when. Whew.

How do you resolve the problem of parenting while distracted? Practice doing less.  In a recent blog post I read, the mom said she was going to practice doing less. This meant saying no more often. No to things that will make your schedule jam packed and leave you with an overwhelmed feeling.

Our kids need our attention. One way to do this is to practice what we preach. If we tell our kids to limit their electronic time, we should do the same. Dedicate a specific amount of time each day for no use of electronic devices (cell phone, laptop, iPad, etc.) Spend this time talking or doing something together.

It may be a challenge at first to put down your electronics and resist the urge to check email, Browse Facebook or pick up your phone every time it dings with a message. You have to start somewhere. Are you up for the challenge?

My response to my son’s text message let me know that I needed to pay more attention to my children and what they are saying.

What has been your experience parenting while distracted?

Muffins with Mom – 3 Ways the statute of limitations relates to parenting teens

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Raising teens can be a challenge, but sometimes you have to uncover the humor in difficult situations. It’s not much fun telling your child over and over to do something, only to have your request fall upon deaf ears. I no longer get frustrated…I write about it.

The antics of my teenagers have led me to compile a list of ways parenting is like the statute of limitations. The list is below.

A statute of limitations for parenting can be interpreted as….

·         The length of time your teen can leave his living space unkempt before you lose patience.

·         The length of time your child can live in your house after graduating high school – if your almost adult teen still has trouble keeping his room and the rest of the house clean, it may be time for him to branch out on his own.

·         The length of time your teen can continue to ask for money without establishing a repayment plan.

What’s a parent to do while waiting for the statute of limitations to expire? Come up with survival techniques. Here are a few to get you started

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·         Practice deep breathing techniques before responding to any crazy request from your child.

·         Set boundaries and stick to them (good luck with this one, it may mean sacrifices for you, but it can be done).

·         Love your child no matter what. However, it doesn’t hurt to come up with a mantra…”I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” You can be more profound than this, but this give you an idea. A favorite quote or scripture works well too.

How does the statute of limitations relate to parenting in your household? Have you experienced any parenting challenges lately? Write about it, you’ll feel better.

Muffins with Mom – War and Peace – When teens invite company over



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Have you ever fallen asleep on the job? I have, it was during my shift of late night parenting of teens. And that is where my story of war and peace begins.

As I tried to sleep, I heard thunderous bumping and crashing, but I refused to get out of the bed. The sounds of voices and laughter blared, but I was paralyzed by sleep. My teen boys had company and they were obviously wrestling.

It was after 11pm, I knew this because my cell phone dinged and I rolled over to see the time. The boys were loud, I wanted to scream to them to be quiet, but I couldn’t find my voice. Besides, I didn’t want to be wide awake.

The next morning when I arose, the house was quiet. I was faced with a dilemma…do I rush through the house like a herd of elephants, sounding an alarm signaling that day light had arrived? My other option was to tip-toe through the house like a soldier navigating through a mine field.

I chose peace over war. I wanted quiet over the clash of the battlefield of rambunctious teens. So, I let the boys sleep. As I made my way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I discovered the spoils of the battlefield from the night before. There was trash overflowing from the wastebasket and dirty glasses everywhere except in the sink.

The smell of fried chicken grease still emanated through the kitchen and living room. Scraps from the previous night’s dinner were on top of the trash. Birds were singing outside the window as they welcomed in the morning, but it was too early for breakfast. I just wanted that cup of coffee. Instant coffee.

While I waited for the tea kettle to give its signal of completion, I began to straighten up the kitchen. I refused to clean everything that was left by the sleeping cherubs, but I had to clean a few things…the mess was bothering me. Once my coffee was ready, I retreated to my little area that I called the quiet zone and devised my combat plan for the day.

My plan was simple-

·         Fill the house with the smell of bacon as it sizzled on the griddle.

·         Be sure the smell of biscuits baking drifted under the boy’s noses.

·         And finally, partake of my daily bread and wait for them to ask for some.

It wasn’t long after initiating my plan that the boys were awake. As they wiped sleep from their innocent eyes, I told the boys they would have to help clean up before they could eat. The pseudo war was over, it was time for peace. The boys agreed to my terms and we lived happily ever after…for the moment.

Does anything unusual happen when you have teens around or even a small gathering of children?

 

Fun Friday – A Wrinkle in Time



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My experience dubbed, A Wrinkle in Time, was the day my teen boys were running late for church due to wrinkled clothes. They dressed at the last minute and wanted to just run out the door. As my younger son handed me his shirt to be ironed, I looked down at his pants.

The black dress pants that my son wore had creases at the knees from being on a hanger. He traded me his ironed shirt for the dress pants. No sooner had I finished ironing his pants than my older son walked past…wearing wrinkled pants and shirt.

When I told my older son his pants needed to be ironed he said, “These are wrinkle free pants.” Rather than fight another battle, I let my son decide whether he wanted to iron the pants or not. He decided not to iron the pants. Instead, he put on a different pair.

In the story, A Wrinkle in Time, the characters traveled by wrinkling time. In other words they were able to travel quickly through space/time. It would have been helpful to wrinkle time the day were running late. No such luck.

As I rushed the boys through the house barking demands, my older son said, “Ma, do you just wake up and plan what you’re going to fuss about?”

After an outbreak of laughter, from me, I responded. “No planning needed, you boys provided plenty of ammunition.”

Although we were a little late reaching our destination, we had ironed out our wrinkles. And we learned a lesson. For me the lesson learned was, be sure to give the boys more lead time to get ready for an event. I believe the boy’s lesson learned was that, “Mama is going to fuss no matter what.”

Have you experienced a time where you were running late for something due to poor planning?

Muffins with Mom – 5 Things I wish I’d learned 5 years ago



Parenting a teen includes special moments...whether they want to be there or not.

Is there such a thing as a Parenting Boot Camp? If there is, I need to sign up now. Maybe I could even be a guest speaker for this event. The boot camp could meet weekly and cover parenting tips for various ages and stages of the growing child. I’d lead with preparation tips for raising a teen.

Being in the midst of raising teens led me to write today’s blog post about things I wished I’d learned before NOW (or 5 years ago).

1.      A two minute warning does not work for teens – in the game of football a two minute warning means there’s two minutes left in the game. I thought I could use this concept in parenting. When asking my son to complete a task, he often moves slowly. So I’ve told him he has two minutes to get moving. However, just like in the game of football, his two minute warning can last five minutes or more.  

2.      When someone says the teen years can be challenging, believe them – When my boys were 16 and 13 years old they were typical teens who wanted to hang out with their friends. I thought I had it made as I boasted to myself, the teen years aren’t so bad, people exaggerated. No they didn’t. Challenges will come, but you will make it through if you remain grounded in your faith. 

3.      As your kids grow older so will you – this might sound obvious, but my body was not aware of this. Sometimes I exercise to a work out DVD. During a recent exercise session, the instructor did a lot of kicks and jumping that I had trouble keeping up with. In the past I was able to do the moves without much difficulty, fast forward a couple of years and gravity is now keeping me from flying through the air with ease. The instructor was smiling and talking through the moves. I was panting and reaching for a glass of water. 

I have considered writing to someone requesting that a warning label be applied to the DVD packaging. The warning could read: If you’re over 45, you might want to select a different exercise program. Then again this may be covered under the disclaimer we often hear, “consult your physician before beginning…” 

4.      The high school years go by quickly – One day you’re enrolling your child for high school, then you blink your eye and he’s planning for senior prom. I often heard that “kids grow up so fast” and “enjoy them while they’re young.” All of this is true. My younger teen is still at home so I have another opportunity to experiment and practice raising a teen. Once both my boys are adults, I should be an expert. 

5.      You’ll make mistakes and it’s ok – love unconditionally. 

What things do you wish you’d learned 5 years ago about parenting?